A New Frame of Mind
by Music's Dance
Summary: Raven fears that she is no longer needed as a titan. Alienating herself, she is gravely injured battling a new villain. Realizing she has lost control of her powers, she struggles to hide from her friends and remain a titan. M for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Her days were quickly spiraling into routine. She'd get up, make a cup of herbal tea, get in a quick glare at Beast Boy, shrug off an over-eager Starfire, and occasionally mutter a one-worded reply to a random question from Robin or Cyborg.

She hated it.

Once upon a time – not that she'd ever admit it – she had enjoyed life as a Titan. The companionship, the knowing that every day she helped protect the world from some other obviously self-named villain. But now, it was all too easy. The villains were easier to defeat – seeing as they'd probably fought and beaten all of them ten times apiece – and she couldn't fight off the feeling that she wasn't needed anymore. On a lucky day she'd get as far as '_Metrion_' before the battle would already be over and said villain would be hauled off by the police. She wasn't needed anymore. If she didn't even show up, no one would probably even notice.

She felt her emotions bubble within her, Grey surfacing highest. Fighting to shove down the infernal emotion, she quickly stood up. Brushing the wrinkles off her her cloak, she swept out of her room and down the hallway. Emerging in the living room, she prayed that the other titans would leave her alone. Pouring herself some hot tea, she sighed, gripping the mug tightly.

"Hey, Raven!" She winced as the excited voice broke into her thoughts. Thus began the routine. "Wanna play a game with us?" She didn't need to turn to see the hopeful grin plastered on Beast Boy's face.

"No."

"Please? Cy's busy fixing the T-Car, and Starfire's off at the mall. Come on, you know you want to!"

"No."

"Pleeeaaaase?"

"No."

"With a cherry on top?"

"No."

"Aww, come on, Rae! I know you're upset that you didn't get a chance to get a hit on Control Freak yesterday, but come on, it's not like we really needed your help anyways, so –"

"_NO_!" Raven's yell was almost drowned out by the explosion of Beast Boy's controller, the food in the refrigerator, the slamming cabinets, and the shattering of the mug in her hands. Beast Boy cowered at the red glow in her eyes; evidently she had turned to tower over him at some point amid the chaos.

"Raven!" She froze at the voice, the red glow disappearing with a blink of her eyes. She slowly turned her gaze from the shuddering green form below her to the masked hero standing in front of the couch. She felt her hands unclench to fall limp at her sides as her eyes met Robin's mask. She suppressed a shiver as she remained silent. How she wished she could see the expression beneath the mask. Disappointment, no doubt.

She stiffened as she shoved Grey back into the dark abyss of her mind for the second time that morning. This time, though, seeing Robin's obvious disappointment in her was too much. Grey overflowed her system, escaping through her eyes in two identical tears that she couldn't suppress. Seeing the outline of Robin's mask widen through her blurry vision, she made a run for it. She couldn't handle pity. No, she wasn't going to witness Robin's pity for poor Raven. Poor Raven – can't even control her emotions anymore – we don't really need her on the team. Not like she's helpful at all, anyways.

Running through the door before either of the boys could say a word, she locked herself in her room for the next three days, ignoring the knocks on her door and only emerging at night after the other four titans were asleep.

She spent most of the time meditating, trying to keep order among her emotions. She was accustomed to having to subdue Red, but Grey was an entirely new experience.

She was in the middle of a fourth day of chanting when she was jerked out of her reverie by the blaring alarm.

"Titans!" She could hear Robin's shout from the living room. "There's some sort of new villain attacking the city! Let's go!"

She sighed. Still not in the mood to deal with the others, she called out quickly, "I'll meet you there!" Not waiting for a reply, she let her black aura overtake her, the raven shape disappearing into the floor. In a split second she was deposited within the streets of the city. Glancing around, she could see the other titans had yet to arrive. Focusing on the scene of destruction, she analyzed this 'new villain' that Robin had mentioned. Some type of giant, metallic humanoid, it flung out shards of metal and glass at shrieking citizens. Raven rolled her eyes. As several shards sped towards a group of the slower citizens, she used her powers to throw a car in front of them, protecting the group as the side of the car was sliced into pieces.

The creature roared as its head whipped around, searching for whom had prevented its shards from reaching their intended destination. Green's cocky grin broke through her facial expression as she lifted another car nearby, flinging it at the creature. It let out another roar, its head finally stopping to rest on Raven's small figure. Both of its hands flew out, creating two arcs of fatal shrapnel. Growling, Raven threw a shield over another group of shrieking citizens. Her eyes darting back to the creature, she gasped as she realized that the second arc of razor-sharp rain was directed at her. Without enough time to protect herself, she ducked feebly. Her mouth opened in a earsplitting scream as large pieces of glass drove themselves inches into her back.

Her mind immediately began to black out, the only defense against the indescribable pain. Somehow in the distance she heard her name, felt her body being lifted. Her half-lidded eyes met a mask, the infernal mask. Her voice choked in er throat, and she coughed, spitting out a mouthful of blood. Her eyes sliding the rest of the way closed, she could only gurgle out one word before falling limp in his arms.

"Sorry."

~ Brief flashes. Colors. Voices.

Blue blasts.

Green flashes.

Movement, body lifted.

Draped over something hard.

Wind in her face, blowing back her hood.

Ground flashing past her.

Pulled up, tossed around.

Uncomfortable bumping, something digging into her stomach.

Past the doors of the tower.

Hallways.

"Hold on, Rae! You have to make it!"

The cold metal of the medi-lab table against her skin.

Fingers ghosting of her back.

"This'll hurt – "

Shrieks – her own?

Renewed pain.

Fading.

Vision fading.

Senses fading.

"Fight it, Raven! Damn it, fight!"

Gone. ~

She woke up in her room. Taking in a shuddering breath, she weakly used her arms to roll herself onto her back. She yelled as pain suddenly shot through her body, and her back arched off the bed, avoiding the several points of intense pain. She quickly rolled over onto her side, gasping in the remnants of pain. Of course. How could she have forgotten?

Taking deep breaths, she suddenly became aware of another presence in the room. Stiffening, she waited a moment before managing to gently maneuver herself into an upright position with only brief sparks of pain. Searching through the darkness for signs of life, her eyes settled on a crumpled figure leaning against the wall by the corner of her room.

"You've been out for a week," came the hoarse voice. Her eyes widened as she realized that the balled up, vulnerable figure was actually her leader. He was silent again, and Raven shifted uncomfortably in the tense atmosphere.

"How could you -" he cut himself off, shaking his head. Beginning again, her tried, "You should have -" He growled in frustration as he couldn't phrase what he was trying to say. Raven felt Red rise within her, piecing together his broken-off phrases.

"What?" she snapped, wincing as she paused to clear her throat, weak from disuse. "How could I have been so stupid? I should have done better? Yeah, Raven screwed up everything again. You obviously should kick met out, seeing as I just make everything _more _difficult -"

"No!" Robin yelled, shocking her into silence as he suddenly jumped up. She recoiled at the wild look about him. His hair was a ragged mass, his usually immaculate uniform ripped and obviously slept in. The only thing about him that didn't scream 'worn out' was his mask – white and intimidating as ever, she knew the eyes behind it glared at her. "No, how could you think that you could handle him on your own?" He paced closer to her, standing stiffly next to her bed. His hands lifted to pull at his black hair. "You should have waited for us, to fight as the team that we are!" He sighed as his voice decibel lowered to something much less painful. "We almost lost you, Raven." She stared at him. Angry Robin she could handle, but this? She remained silent as the Boy Wonder kneeled on the floor beside her bed. She sat still, stiffening as her confusion deepened. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Her trance was broken by the knock at the door. Her eyes flashed towards the door, grateful for the first time at the intrusion.

"Robin," came the muffled voice, "may we now see friend Raven?"

Robin jumped up, seeming just as excited for the interruption. Striding quickly towards the door, he called out, "Sorry, guys, she just came to. We don't want to overwhelm her." Pausing as he turned back to face her, he hesitated before muttering, "Get some rest. We don't know when the next attack will be." With that, he slipped out the door and was gone.

Raven sunk back into her pillows, avoiding pressure on her back. She regretted yelling at Robin, if only she could have asked him for the details on her condition and what had happened.

Sighing, she closed her eyes to focus. "_Azarath Metrion Zinthos_," she chanted. If Robin wouldn't tell her, she'd find out herself. Letting herself sink into her aura, she continued to chant, searching for her center. She could find out exactly how injured she was and heal herself in the process. "_Azarath Metrio_ -" she choked suddenly, her eyes popping open. Caught somewhere between earth and Nevermore, she couldn't complete her chant. The words stuck in her throat, she couldn't summon them. She couldn't move. Adrenaline rushing, the wings of her soul form pumped furiously, trying to claw her way back to safety on Earth. Gasping, she collapsed on her bed, her chest heaving. What had happened? Her arms wrapped around herself fearfully. Why couldn't she access her mind?

Shivering, she curled up in a ball underneath her sheets. She couldn't tell the others. That would surely mean the end of her time as a titan.

* * *

Hey!

So, as you can probably tell, this is my first story on the site. This was somewhat of a random inspiration, and out came four pages of writing - which, for me, is a miracle in itself. I'm not completely sure where this'll be heading, but I like it so far. Hopefully, you do too. :]

On a side note, I'm looking for a good beta reader. If you know of anyone, or you'd like to be mine, let me know and let them know. I'd really appreciate it!

R&R! All authors love reviews, and I'm no different.

And of course, the teen titans don't belong to me.

Thanks for reading, guys! 3

- Music


	2. Chapter 2

The book sat in her hands, the page still open to the first chapter, as it had been for the past few hours. Or had it been days? Her days still spanned in agonizing routine, but now she didn't hate it for the boredom – she hated it for the sheer fear. The fear that any moment, the alarm would ring blaringly; the computer would fire off a series of words, describing where and who the villain was. The only difference now was that she was incapable of fighting. Before, she didn't have the chance to – but now, being unable to? What would happen to her, if the other Titans found out? Her powers had to come back eventually. Once her back healed, they had to. She shuffled uncomfortably, unused to the feeling of the bandages covering her back. She'd never had to wear bandages before – she could normally heal herself. She frowned – how long would they take to heal? Perhaps it was different for regular humans than half-demons; she didn't know, she couldn't know. She couldn't ask her friends, it would be an immediate tip-off.

She jumped as the book slipped from her limp hands to the floor with a loud thud. "Damn it, Rae! Not every noise is going to be the alarm ringing!" Gritting her teeth, she bent to pick it up, ignoring the pain that ripped through her as the skin of her back stretched. Grasping the pages in her hands, she sat up quickly, gasping softly. It couldn't be normal to still have this pain, almost two weeks after the incident.

She curled her legs underneath her, rocking gently. What was she going to do when the alarm _did_ go off? It would eventually, and then they'd have to go off and fight another random criminal. The same as any other day, except for one key fact – she had no powers.

She jumped again at the knock at her door. She growled at herself. "Come in and tell me what you want so I can kick you out," she muttered.

The door hissed as it opened, and the masked head slipped through. She was getting pretty sick of seeing that masked face in her mind every few minutes, let alone in person. She instinctively stiffened, preparing to ignore any and all questions pertaining to her health.

"Nice to see you, too." She could sense the rolling of his eyes beneath his mask. "We're going out for pizza, so go get ready. It's some new place they built on the roof of the mall, Beast Boy's been raving about the reviews it's been getting, so we finally gave in."

"I'm not - "

"That's an order." Robin's head disappeared and the door slipped closed again.

She snarled at him before the scowl disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared, her gaze moving towards the book in her hands. She ran her fingertips over the cover softly, keeping her face blank. Normally the book would have hit the door as her powers flung it across the room instinctively; but now, nothing.

Standing up slowly, she placed it back on her bookshelf. She stared at it for a moment before pulling up the hood of her cloak, letting the material mask her face, mask her fears. ~

"What'd I tell you guys? I told you this place rocked!"

"We haven't even ordered yet, Beast Boy."

"We have not? What do these clever containers of black and white hold, then?"

"That'd be salt and pepper, Star. Don't tell me you've been eating them."

"I thought they were quite appealing."

"Says the alien with the affinity for mustard as a beverage."

"Guys, can we just order now?"

"Alright! Tofu pizza, comin' right up!"

"Oh, no. I am not eating that disgusting excuse for a healthy diet of meat lovin'!"

"I'd like a pizza with toppings of mustard, ice cream, and the sticks of bread!"

Silence.

"I think I'll stick with the tofu, less likely to make me blow chunks."

"Meat."

"Tofu."

"Meat!"

"Tofu!"

"MEAT!"

"TOFU!"

"Shut up, both of you! We're just getting cheese!" Raven finally yelled, effectively shutting up both the green changeling and the metal man. There was a moment of silence as she stiffened, feeling the stares of all four of the titans. "What?" she snapped.

"Well, they have this argument every time we go out for pizza -" Robin started, ignoring the indignant protests from Cyborg and Beast Boy, "- and normally a few things have exploded by the time we leave. Namely because they've managed to act like complete imbeciles and piss you off."

"Yes! Last time it was the holders of napkins – falling everywhere, as if the frozen snow were gracing our faces with their cool temperatures. Glorious!" Starfire squealed.

Raven shifted uncomfortably, and she could feel the pressure building up suddenly in her ears, the blood pumping, roaring. They couldn't suspect, but would they? She gets so nervous, not knowing how to reply anymore…

Beast Boy mistook the reddening of her face. "Look out, she's gonna blow!" He yelled, attracting a few glares as he ducked under the table.

A deafening boom rocked the building, and four pairs of eyes snapped to her, and her fear disappeared as her eyes narrowed. "No, it wasn't me, idiots!" She held her hands up defensively as proof.

Another boom, and the building swayed.

"Who the hell is it?" One of them yelled.

"The building's going to collapse!" Another shouted.

"Titans, get out -"

Too late. Another explosion, and the building rocked precariously. Raven hit the table hard, containing her shriek as she watched Beast Boy fly off in his eagle form, and Starfire pull Cyborg up, their figures quickly growing smaller as she flew a few blocks away, within safe distance from the building.

It was all going too fast. What could she do? She couldn't do anything. No. _No. _

"Raven!" Her gaze fell on Robin, who was miraculously balancing on the edge of the building. Stupid Boy Wonder. "Fly!"

Her heart dropped. "Robin, I can't! I -"

A last explosion and the building fell sideways. She felt the floor disappear from beneath her.

_How many stories was this freaking mall? Genius architecture, my ass. Three explosions and the whole goddamn twenty-story modern-fucking mall topples, typical. Falling. Death by falling – who would've guessed? The fucking super-fucking flying demon hero dies by falling off the stupid goddamn mall. _

_The fucking superhero is having a goddamn conversation with herself as she falls off a building to her death. Typical. I knew I was going crazy. _

She screamed as a hand grabbed her wrist, her fall suddenly jerking to a stop. She felt her shoulder dislocate as it was yanked out of place.

"Damn it, Robin, don't I have enough fucking injuries?" She spit, grimacing as she hung limply in midair. She lifted her neck uncomfortably, trying to ignore the pain by focusing on how the hell they weren't falling in the first place.

He looked down at her incredulously – how he even made that expression when he was hanging so high off the ground, she would never know – one arm grasping her wrist tightly, the other holding onto the thin rope that was now hooked to the corner of the crooked building. Another wonderful, ingenious contraption from the bulky belt that held his costume together. "I just saved your life, what are you going on about?"

"You dislocated my shoulder! I'm still healing from the stupid metalloid thing!"

"I'm sorry, should I have let you fall? Be glad I saved your sorry ass!"

"_You dislocated my shoulder!" _

"Are those the only words within your vocabulary?"

"No. How about 'damn you to hell', do those work for you?"

"Why the hell are we arguing _now?_"

"Well, you just pulled my shoulder out of its socket and I'm pretty sure my back just opened up, because I definitely didn't just pour some warm liquid down my back. So I'm a bit pissy that you decided to fucking dislocate my arm and reopen my wounds with one blow. Congratulations."

"I just saved your life, you ungrateful -"

"'Are those the only words within your vocabulary?'"

"Ha, you're so clever. If you're so goddamn clever, why don't you use your magical half-demon powers and heal yourself, then fly us the hell off this building like you could have done in the first place instead of standing there like some deranged idiot!"

Any retorts she had died on her lips. Averting her eyes, she maneuvered herself as best she could to look downwards. Cyborg and Starfire were pushing against the building with the help of Beast Boy's Tyrannosaurus Rex form, which explained why the building hadn't toppled to the ground. Evidently the building was pretty heavy, because none of them could seem to let go long enough to get them help.

"Raven?"

She ignored him.

"Raven?" he repeated, confused.

She kept her gaze on the three below, hoping that they'd figure out something.

"Raven!" Silence obviously wasn't going to work. "Just when I was starting to think, 'Wow, this is the most she's ever talked', you stop. What, did you realize that I was right?"

"Shut up." She kept her gaze downwards.

"Or what? I'm the one keeping you from falling to your bloody death."

"I can take care of myself!"

"Bullshit. I saved your life."

"You dislocated my arm!"

"Oh, sorry. Should I just let go, then?" She stiffened as he let her slip an inch. She remained silent, willing every muscle in her body not to grab onto Robin's hand and give herself away. "After all, you can just fly away, _right?_" Her eyes slipped shut, preventing herself from watching the ground so far beneath her.

"I hate you," she gritted out slowly.

There was a pause, then she yelled as she slid downwards, her eyes popping open. She yanked her face towards him in fear; he was literally holding her entire weight by his fingertips. She spit out a slurry of nonsense words that sounded a lot like pleading and cursing mixed together.

"Why won't you fly?" he demanded.

"Stop it!" Her voice sounded choked.

She screamed again as arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her hands – when had she been able to swing up her other arm to grab his – from Robin's grasp.

"Robin, why is friend Raven doing the crying? And why were you both hanging from the precarious position of high above the ground?" Raven suddenly sobbed as she heard Starfire's voice behind her. When had she started crying? She hadn't even noticed the blurriness in her vision or the liquid on her cheeks.

Robin paused, too, as if he hadn't noticed it himself. She could feel his eyes piercing into her, desperately trying to understand. "Raven?" he questioned softly, still holding onto the rope as if it didn't bother him at all to be hanging almost twenty stories in the air. She turned away from him, wrapping her uninjured arm around Starfire's neck. "Raven, please just answer me." She could hear the mixed feelings in his voice – the guilt at making her cry for reasons he couldn't understand, the confusion as to what was wrong with her that she wouldn't fly.

She was surprised he hadn't yet considered the alternative – that she _couldn't_ fly.

Or use her powers.

Or be a titan.

She couldn't do anything but remain silent. Starfire held her there for a few moments, her eyes flickering back and forth between the two teens. Finally deciding that it was best that she move, she finally lowered Raven to the ground, knowing that Robin could take care of himself now that he didn't need to hold onto her.

Raven contained her gasp of pain as Starfire set her on the ground. Her muscles involuntarily collapsed and she fell to the floor. She stiffened as she heard Starfire's sharp intake of breath.

"Friend Raven! Why is there blood on your tight-fitting garment of clothing? And your arm is severely injured, we must tend to you immediately!" She quickly pushed away Starfire's hands, standing up weakly.

"I'm fine," she muttered darkly, readjusting her cloak to hide the bloodstains on her leotard. She could still feel them; they hadn't closed over again yet, and the blood was slowly trickling down her back.

"So is the situation," said Robin suddenly, having evidently managed to get himself back onto the ground. "There aren't any villains; apparently it was a gas leak."

"So we nearly got crushed, and you guys almost fell off the building because of some stupid air leakage? Come on, we didn't even get to try the tofu pizza!"

Beast Boy was obviously fine; his normal self, not even noticing her.

"Oh, no. We were going to get meat!"

Cyborg seemed to be just fine, too.

"Please, friends! Let us celebrate this victory with Tamaran's traditional yerblart pudding!"

"Aww, Star!"

"As long as it's not that squiggly blue one again, I'm still trying to get it out from under my toenails. Do you know how hard it is to get pudding out from -"

"Don't even start, grass-stain."

"Dear friends, may I inquire as to what was wrong with the last pudding?"

Blinking away the burning in her eyes before it could flood over to join the already-present tearstains on her face, she turned silently to walk away, back to the tower. Who cares if she couldn't fly? What did it matter if her shoulder was still dislocated, and the wounds on her back were still bleeding? She'd find a way to fix it herself once she got back to the tower. Anything was better than being here, with them. With him.

"Where do you think you're going?" Robin suddenly appeared beside her.

"None of your concern," she muttered.

"Like hell it is! You expect me to ignore the fact the fact that you won't use your powers?" She kept her steps steady, wishing that she could go faster. "Just tell me, Raven! We've all accepted your moodiness, your random anger spurts; what's wrong with you? What, did the metalloid make you scared of fighting?"

The anger burst within her, and she swung the hand of her uninjured arm at his face. He caught it easily, but her eyes were wide, stretching the contours of his mask. She'd never physically attempted to hit them before, no matter how angry.

She couldn't keep the tears back anymore, no matter how much she despised her emotions.

"No, you idiot," she hissed at him, pulling her wrist out of his grasp. "I _can't_ use my powers anymore. They're gone."

Spinning away, she slid onto Robin's motorcycle and revved it quickly. She sped away from him, ignoring his piercing stare on her retreating figure.

The wind couldn't dry the tears fast enough.

* * *

Gees, has it already been two months since I posted the first chapter? I'm so sorry guys, I've been extremely busy with school and such, and this was a long work in process.

Not entirely sure how happy I am with this chapter, but not really sure what else I would've done to it. Still need a beta reader, for anyone interested! :]

See that review button? It holds a special place in my heart. Would you like to give it a click for me? I definitely appreciated all the favorites, but reviews would be greatly helpful! Perhaps I'll get around to posting the next chapter a bit faster, this time? :P

And of course - Teen Titans don't belong to me. If they did, it would still be airing.

Thanks for reading!

- Music


	3. Chapter 3

Life sucked.

The metal thing sucked.

Robin sucked.

Everything sucked.

She growled, pacing her rom.

She was a Titan. A goddamn _superhero. _But still, she couldn't figure out how to heal her wounds or fix her stupid dislocated shoulder.

Damn life.

Damn _Robin_.

She summarily dismissed the fact that he had, technically, saved her life. He dislocated her shoulder; that's all that mattered.

Growling again, she focused on the problem at hand. Frowning, she prodded experimentally at the shoulder. A strangled-sounding noise erupted from her throat as the dull throbbing became a raw burning.

As if in response, the door slid open and a furious Robin stood in the doorway. She immediately wiped off her grimace and glared right back, straightening her back to appear taller. He had a good head of height over her, but she wasn't going to let that intimidate her.

He stalked towards her, their furious gazes never breaking. It wasn't until he reached out to grasp her arm and shoulder that her eyes twitched for a brief moment. With that, he quickly pushed her shoulder back in place. Her body jerked, but she managed to keep her eyes on him, the only other sign of the indescribable pain being the low keening that escaped for a moment before she cut it short.

"Goddamn it! What the hell is your problem?" He yelled suddenly, dropping her arm angrily.

"What are you on about now?" She smirked inwardly; her voice was perfectly monotone, no signs of pain.

"Could you just show some emotion for once?" As if. "Maybe be _human_?" That stung. "I know that hurt like hell, but you couldn't even show it! You're so goddamn stubborn all the time!"

"Well, excuse me," she hissed back, abruptly infuriated. "Maybe you haven't realized, but I grew up training myself to keep my emotions under control. I'm not going to cry and bemoan my fate to all of you."

"I _know_ that, Raven! This is only part of it!" His hands twitched at his sides, as if he wanted to punch something. "You couldn't even tell us that you lost your powers! You're so afraid to show weakness or something, it's ridiculous -"

"What, do you want me to be like Starfire? Rave about my life story, everything that I'm feeling until I might as well be an open book? That's not who I am, sorry to disappoint you.

"I'm not asking you to be like Starfire -"

"You sure? You seem to enjoy her company all of the time."

"Stop changing the subject!"

"Stop being an idiot."

"Could you just be serious for a minute?"

"Are you honestly telling the girl who never cracks a smile to be _serious_? If I got any more serious, I'd be dead."

"You might as well be! You could have died today!"

"I would've been fine."

"_You fell off the building!_"

"Obviously not, I seem to be fine."

"You're bleeding, and I just had to pop your shoulder back into place."

"But that was your fault in the first place, anyways."

"You seem to think you're some sort of genius, but right now you're acting like a brainless, stuck-up, insolent, ridiculou_s_, spineless, halfwit, self-important -"

"Don't you _dare _judge me. You don't know _anything_ about me!"

"Maybe I don't, because you never talk, never open up, never tell us anything -"

"Because you don't need me anymore!"

There was a pause.

"What?" His voice was nearly a whisper.

"You, none of you – the Titans – you don't need me anymore. I could just not show up and it wouldn't matter. I'm practically not even part of the team, I'm _useless!_"

"Raven…" His voice was so soft now, as if he were afraid to hurt her. "You are anything but useless. We'd all be dead three times over if not for you." He smiled grimly, and she could almost see him imagining the close calls they'd had. "I swear to you, no one ever thinks of you as worthless. If you ever left, you can bet that we'd be after you in a second."

She remained silent.

"I promise, Raven. We'll always want you around; even Beast Boy, no matter how much you scare him."

"Who said _I_ wanted _him _around?" she muttered.

He laughed. "See, everything's normal again. No need to cry."

"I did no such thing! You're delusional."

He rolled his eyes exasperatedly, but he seemed more amused than frustrated. "Fine, fine. Just promise you'll let us do some tests to see what's going on?"

"…am I going to regret this at all?"

"Just promise, Raven."

"…I promise."

~x~

"If you don't get me out of this shit in two seconds I'm going to break into your room and kill you in your sleep."

"I'm sure you'd love to watch me sleep, Raven, but you promised to let us figure out what was wrong." Robin grinned at her cheekily.

"I didn't promise to be treated like some common guinea pig."

"Of course not. You're a very _special_ guinea pig. Now shut up and let me finish connecting the electrodes."

She glared at him as he stuck another one onto her skin, his gaze flickering between her and the monitors. There were probably at least fifty of them over her body; there were so many wires hanging off of her she was practically begging to die from accidental electrocution. Her gaze moved to shoot daggers at Beast Boy when he snickered. At her gaze, he held up his hands defensively.

"No way, you can't kill me!" The changeling grinned. "I'm your psychiatrist. Just call me Dr. Awesome. So," he began to speak in a deep, unnatural voice, pretending to stroke his non-existent beard thoughtfully. "Tell me. What seems to be the problem?"

"I lost my powers, you dimwit."

"Maybe you could be a bit more helpful, Beast Boy?" Robin muttered.

"Don't judge the psychiatrist! And I told you," he glared at Robin's back, "my name is Dr. Awesome_._"

"Right, Dr. Awesome," Robin spoke without looking up. "Well, maybe you could stop goofing off and try to be useful?"

Beast Boy snorted. "The disrespect one has to endure from the clients these days -"

"Beast Boy!"

"_Fine!_" he huffed. "So _besides_ not being able to pick things up and throw them around and stuff, and grow all those red eyes and tentacly stuff – really scary, by the way -"

Robin growled.

"I'm getting to it! Gees, I'm the animal here, don't growl at me! Like I was saying, besides all of that, what's changed?" He grinned triumphantly at Robin.

"Well," she frowned, not expecting an actual question from the changeling, "I can't access my emotions anymore, my aura. My soul, whatever you want to call it. My mind."

"…what?" Intelligent response.

"My mind, Beast Boy. Remember when you and Cyborg got yourselves sucked into my mirror? There. It's different, empty. The aspects of my personality aren't there anymore."

"Oh, right. That place was hella creepy, dude. With all the different colored Ravens? They were actually pretty cool, Robin, you should've seen 'em! There was this Green one, who totally kicked ass! Definitely fits me, with the green, you know. That grey one was kind of annoying, though. Crying and moaning. 'You don't like me, he doesn't like me, blah blah blah.'"

"My emotions, Beast Boy. Don't insult them, you're insulting me."

"Err…sorry. Okay, so what do you mean by you can't access them? They're your emotions, they just…happen."

She sighed, irritated. "I've always controlled my emotions. Without control, things would explode constantly around me; they affect my powers. But now, they're loose. It's like everything's opened up, changed. I can't sense them anymore; since I can't control my powers anymore, I can't control my emotions either."

"Why not?"

She glared at him pointedly, before snapping at Robin, "Why, of all people, did you have _him_ pretend to be the psychiatrist?"

He looked up at her from where he was connecting the last electrode below her collarbone, a smirk pulling at his lips. "You tend to talk more when you're annoyed, so I figured he'd be the best bet. We wouldn't have gotten any of that if I'd just asked you."

She opened her mouth to snap as her eyes flashed warningly, but it was Beast Boy who spoke first. "Hey, you said it was 'cause you thought I'd be a good doctor!" he said indignantly. When Raven snorted from her position on the medi-lab table, he gave them a sad pout. "Why do you hurt me so?" he wailed.

"Cut the act, Beast Boy, you can leave now." Robin rolled his eyes, and the green boy slid out of the room with a thumbs up and his signature grin.

"All right, done! Let's get this thing running." He pressed a few buttons, and quickly the monitors began to spurt out information, the printer spitting out the pages, the ink still shining.

Quickly picking up the pages, he scanned them, his facial features morphing into a frown, before the contours of the mask widened in shock. She felt her heart pound.

"Robin," she whispered. "What's the matter?"

"That thing, that metal thing that attacked you in the city. It was an alien."

"You've reverted to Beast Boy's standards of explanation."

He was too anxious to continue with the banter. "No, you don't understand. That thing, the shards in your back -"

"The glass?"

"No -"

"Metal, then."

"No! Listen to me, Raven, it's not anything from Earth!" The papers crumpled in his hands.

She stared at him, confused. "What is it, then?"

"That's the thing," he began to pace, always a sure sign that something was seriously bothering him. "It's something so complex, so…so _foreign _that the computer doesn't recognize it, even with all of the information we have now. It's alien!"

"I get that it's alien, Robin!" She snapped, sitting up. She ignored the wires pulling at her skin slightly. "Explain why you look so worried!"

He ran a hand through his hair, making it messier than it already was. "When we took the shards out, we didn't realize it's some sort of living organism. It's spreading within your body. I don't know what it is, Raven, but whatever it is, it's draining you somehow."

Understanding dawned. "It's keeping me from using my powers."

"No," he mumbled. "Well, yes it is, but that's not all."

"What? Robin, look at me and explain!" Some of the electrodes had been pulled from her skin, she was leaning so far forwards as her heart pounded faster. What was it that had him so off edge?

He finally looked up to stare her in the eyes; she could practically see the emotion behind the mask. "Raven, it's draining you of your demon nature, somehow. Raven…" He shouted suddenly and threw the papers in anger. They fell to the floor around the table, except for one that landed at the edge of the table by her feet. Yanking off the rest of the wires, she grabbed it. Her eyes scanned it; a graph. Before and after. The balance of her demon and human DNA nucleotides as of last year, compared to now.

The graphs had changed.

"When it's done, Raven…you'll be entirely human."

The paper slid from her hands, floating to the floor silently.

* * *

EDIT: With a reviewer's comment on the impossibility of this situation, I decided to clarify a bit. The, virus, shall we call it, is not literally ripping her DNA apart and removing the demonic side, which would, understandably, result in her death. The virus is acting as a type of parasite; it's spreading through her cells and using the host DNA to replicate off of, like a template. The result is not destroying her DNA, but altering it, as a mutation. This, of course, would be impossible for multiple reasons: if something really had changed her DNA in such a way, she would most likely not become a full human, and seeing as demons don't exist, the entire situation is completely impossible. However, for the purposes of this fanfiction, I have made it possible. If demons and aliens are possible...I think organisms should be able to mutate DNA to change the phenotypic genome. ;P  
Additionally, while some of her powers are a result of the teachings of the monks of Azarath, as a full human, she wouldn't be able to control them. Her ability to even have powers comes from the fact that she is not human.  
The section about her mind is rather confusing, and I do apologize for that as well. I viewed her mind as a sort of vessel, somewhat mutated by the effect of Trigon's use of her and invading inhabitation of her mind. With her change, this "vessel", per se, is changing along with her; it's no longer the place where she can hide all of her emotions, keep them contained. With the danger leaving, her mind no longer acts as a containing chamber.  
I hope that makes a bit more sense for all of you, and if you have any other questions, let me know! Just keep in mind that this is a _fanfiction_, and is in no way based in any sort of scientific fact. :)

Hey, guys!

So, this chapter is a bit different from my others, but let me know if you still like it. Hopefully you guys understand what is happening.

Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter! I can't begin to convey how much I appreciated them, so keep them coming!

As to the lateness of this chapter…I'm extremely sorry. Technological issues, namely there being no computer for me to type this on, nor to upload it on. Can't say I'm gifted with the technology these days.

As always, the Teen Titans do not belong to me.

Anyways, thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy!

-Music


	4. Chapter 4

The silence was deafening.

Her fingers still grasped at empty air, the charts scattered across the floor. He almost felt the urge to grab her hand, just to get her to move, to know if she was alright.

"Raven?" he finally whispered. Her eyes snapped up, but they were unfocused, as if she were seeing right through him.

"I'm fine."

"What?"

"I'm fine. No, this could be great!" The excitement in her eyes seriously concerned him.

"..._what_?"

A bitter smile rose to her lips and her eyes actually focused on his confused, anxious gaze. Worry was an emotion that never failed to be painfully obvious, betraying his stoic front. "If I'm human, no one has to worry anymore. My emotions, Trigon - none of it will matter." His eyes widened as he realized what she was saying. "I won't be dangerous anymore." Pulling the last electrodes from her skin, she slid off the table. Robin still shock-still as she finalized, "I can be normal."

"Raven..." he whispered, as if he needed reassurance that it was Raven that he was speaking to. She glanced up at him as she pulled on her cloak, an expression in her eyes that Robin couldn't name. "You are normal..." At the look she gave him, he continued more forcefully, "- to us. To everyone else, you're a hero; someone who's taking something that made her different and used it to the benefit of others. We can't just let this _thing_," he gestured vaguely across her body, "continue!"

She was shaking her head before he had even finished, the bitter smile again floating across her lips. "No, I'm not. If I were normal, you wouldn't have to worry about Trigon returning, or wonder when I'll lose control of my emotions. Soon, Beast Boy won't have to hide if I twitch a muscle," she raised her voice slightly as his mouth opened to interrupt her, "none of you will have to tip-toe your way around me. This is_ good_, Robin." She emphasized her words almost as if she were speaking to a child. Turning away again, she walked towards the door.

"Raven -" he tried again desperately, and she paused once more, sighing. "You can't just let this thing _change_ you -"

He stumbled to a stop as she glanced over her shoulder at him. "I can, and I will." Seeing the look on his face, she smiled - a genuine smile, something so foreign to her face that he could barely process its meaning even as his mind subconsciously registered that her smiles were a rare moment of genuine happiness . "Don't worry, Robin. I want this."

He stood still as she slipped out of the room, his eyes staring at the spot where she should have been.

~x~

The following week was chaos.

Robin had recruited the rest of the team in his mission to remove the alien material from Raven. She would often step out of a room only to be ambushed, and carried thrashing and screaming to the medi-lab, where they would perform several tests on her, no matter how much she claimed that she wanted that demon part _out_ of her body.

And so, once again, she found herself strapped to the cool metal table as Robin studiously stuck the electrodes onto her skin; the electrodes were going to give her permanent spotted tattoos if he kept this up. She had given up the thrashing and screaming a few sessions ago; she had since realized that it was pretty pointless.

"I'm not even a guinea pig this time, I feel like an asylum patient." She spoke to the ceiling, her voice a sarcastic monotone as Robin continued methodically pressing the electrodes into her skin. "You've practically got me in a straitjacket; what's next - shock therapy?"

Robin glared at her. "Maybe," he snapped. "It could actually kill that thing. Plus, you are acting completely crazy, not to mention stupid."

Her foot caught him in the stomach before he could grab it, and she took satisfaction in the small grunt he released. He gritted his teeth as he used his free hand to rub the spot. "How mature of you."

"So is having me kidnapped. True leadership qualities there." She smirked inwardly as he pushed the next electrode into her skin with more force than necessary. Questioning his leadership was always a soft spot for him.

Sure enough, he snapped, "We're trying to _help_ you, Raven!"

"And what if Trigon figures out a way to use me again, that won't help anyone!"

"We'd beat him again."

"Sacrificing innocent lives in the process?"

"We won once, we'd win again. You can't sacrifice yourself for something that won't happen!"

"I'm not sacrificing anything, I'm giving myself a freedom I never had. Robin, this is what I want!"

Robin opened his mouth to continue the argument, but a soft voice interrupted him. "Friend Robin...maybe she is right. Should we not give her what she wants?" Starfire spoke quietly from the corner, her arms wrapped around herself worriedly. Robin whirled on her, his eyes flashing. Raven almost felt sorry for Starfire for a moment, but the fact that someone was actually listening to her for once quelled any pity. She raised her head slightly to watch the pair.

"We are the _Teen Titans,_" he hissed at her. Starfire met his gaze steadily, but the doubt and worry was still obvious in the way her body curled inwards, the crease above her eyes, the stiffness in her fingers. "We are _superheroes_. This city," his hand jerked aggressively towards the wall beyond which Jump City lay, "looks up to us! We can't do what we _want_, we do what we can to_ protect - them_!" His final words were emphasized heavily as he almost spat in the alien's face, mere inches from her.

Raven was sure she hadn't seen Robin so angry since his Slade obsession, but she still couldn't repress the snort. Robin spun back around, his eye seemingly twitching as she dared to express such uncaring towards the harsh words he believed in so strongly. "Is something funny?" His voice was quiet, but obviously furious.

"Just the fact that you seem to think I am a hero. Think about it, when's the last time I actually helped in a battle? This whole debacle has just proven I'm more of a hindrance than a hero. I don't protect, I _prevent_ - I prevent all of you from doing what you're meant to do!" She felt the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, just to try to get the point across better.

"That doesn't matter! We've all made mistakes, you can't give up on being a superhero because of that!" The desperation was slowly creeping into his voice.

"Alright, Robin, say that I don't give up, and I let you keep doing all these tests on me." She waved her hands vaguely from where they strapped down. "You can do everything you want, but there is no way to get this out of me, and you know that. You've done this at least forty times now, and every time, that computer has told you that my state is slowly by steadily advancing towards being completely human, and there is no possible way to change that. We can fight all we want, but at the end of this, I am _going_ to be human. I've accepted that - we've all accepted that - so why can't you?"

Somewhere during her miniature speech, Robin's eyes had shifted to focus on the screen. He remained silent, studying the data as it described exactly what she pointed out, just as it had during every test. How could they find a way to reverse a process they didn't even understand? Raven seemed to sense his deteriorating argument and rising confusion; she spoke softly. "Robin, there is nothing you can do."

He winced as if the words personally hurt him, and she understood. It wasn't in Robin's nature to give up, no matter the obstacle. "We can still try -"

She sighed, cutting him off, then looked at Starfire pointedly. The girl moved forward quickly, removing the straps that held her to the table. Robin jerked forward as if to stop her, but Raven glared at him. "No, Robin," her whisper more forceful than any of her yells. Just let it happen." She flashed him a reassuring smile, stopping yet another response from him. "Think about it, it's one less Titan you need to worry about every battle." Starfire looked sad, but nodded her head in agreement.

"It is what she has always wanted, Robin. These machines have not indicated any sort of harm to come upon friend Raven, so perhaps it is...for the best?" Her eyes beamed hopefully as she phrased herself carefully.

"I'll stay here in the tower whenever you guys are fighting. Keep an eye on the computers in case anything new comes up while you're gone. I'll be more useful this way than I was before."

"We shall all remain friends!" Starfire squealed.

"I'll still be Raven, you know. I'll be Raven without the demon, so it'll be even better - stop worrying." Her eyes were focused on his, and as he stared into those violet eyes, defiant with a hint of something else he couldn't name, he couldn't find anything else to argue with. She slid off the table and left the room with Starfire at her heels, leaving Robin completely helpless.

~x~

The new Raven was vastly different from the one he was accustomed to, beyond her outer appearance - not that she didn't look any different. In the space of a week, she had begun wearing white cloaks as opposed to purple, her chakra had faded from her forehead, her hair was beginning to darken, her skin losing its grayish hue, but, worst of all, her eyes lost their violet color, becoming a bright blue. He hated it. And that was without the differences in personality; this bubbly, giggly girl seemed more like Starfire than Raven. None of it matched with the image of the girl he knew. They weren't her clothes, her hair, her skin, her _eyes_. It wasn't her. She wasn't Raven anymore; and the only thing that made it bearable was to finally see her smile.

He sighed, shaking his head. He was going to have to get used to it. None of it looked bad, anyways, but it was just _weird_.

He lifted his eyes to watch her from across the living room, his eyes narrowed. She was in the kitchen.

Humming.

What the hell?

Growling to himself, he shook the newspaper violently, searching for any suspicious news. Fairly typical news; the usual pointless stories, nonsense sports...the fluff that symbolized that there wasn't anything of merit actually taking place at the moment. He growled again deep in his throat as she continued humming to herself. He needed some sort of story to actually distract him. His eyes focused on the headline as he tried desperately to ignore her: "_**ROGUE BUNNY FOUND IN JUMP CITY ZOO**_".

The paper crumpled under his grip and he hurled it across the couch, muttering to himself. The news had hit an all-time low, to be sure. Never had he seen such a ridiculous story, and right when he needed something to focus on more than ever. Talk about a rogue villain, at least, or something...

There was the clatter of a spoon against glass, and Raven's humming transitioned to an even more peppy song with a higher volume. His eye spasmed, and he resisted the urge to reach for the newspaper again and rip it to shreds.

And then the smell hit him, and the world fairly crashed around him.

Coffee.

COFFEE?

WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE DOING, MAKING COFFEE?

Last time they had coffee, Raven had thrown a fit, claiming that it messed with her emotions. They hadn't dared to make it again -

but now she was the one making it?

He was dead. That was the only answer. Maybe Larry had thrown him into another dimension again, or something else, _something_...

"Stop staring, Robin," she tossed at him over her shoulder.

He still gaped at her.

She threw him a grin and poured herself a mug.

The reply threw him off the edge. Any other day, she would have been angry, but now - a grin?

"Who are you?"

The smile quickly disappeared, but he didn't have time to mourn its loss, so he forced his mind to focus on her words. "I've told you before, Robin. This is what I want, I get to be who I actually am -"

"No, I think you're acting. You're trying to be someone you want to be."

"I am more myself than I've ever been! No demon holding me back, I'm free to be Raven!" The mug shook in her hand as she yelled at him.

"The demon wasn't a separate part of you!" he fired back. He knew he shouldn't really be getting her angry, but at this point, he clung to whatever remnant of the old Raven that was left; in this case, her infamous temper. "It's you, linked into your genes, it made you who you were! Hiding it, and now getting_ rid_ of it doesn't make you you, it makes you someone else! You're a selfish person, and that's _not_ the Raven I knew!"

She was so furious she couldn't even speak. She knew that had she still had her powers, Red would have thrown his body out the window just to make him shut up, and the thought

She settled with hurling the coffee at him.

He ducked and the cup shattered on the floor, but the scalding coffee spilled onto him, and he yelled, pulling the suit away from his body as the liquid burned his skin. "What the hell is wrong with you, Raven?"

"Don't you _dare_ call me selfish." Her voice wasn't as forceful as it should have been, the hurt evident behind the anger, and she cursed herself.

He laughed mockingly, and her eyes flashed. "Because you aren't? Right. You gave up being a Titan. You gave up being a hero. You gave up saving people's lives. You gave it all up for your own sorry ass, so you gave up my respect." Her mouth, open to yell back, snapped shut as her eyes suddenly grew wide. He could feel his own anger grow, however, and he couldn't hold himself back even as he watched the emotions in her eyes. "You're just as bad as any villain we've fought off, because they work for themselves, and that's exactly what you're doing. You are selfish, and that's what you'll always be as this person." He was so close to her now, their noses were almost touching. His eyes were furious, staring into her own blue eyes. Her eyes, that he had once loved so much; the eyes that, despite her closed-off outer walls, carried so much emotion that he could read her like an open book...those eyes that he could stare at for days if he could, those beautiful purple eyes...but these weren't her eyes. These blue eyes were the eyes of someone he didn't understand, didn't know. They weren't her eyes. He withdrew, the anger faded as he seemed to want to create as much space between them as possible. "You're not Raven. I don't know you."

The hurt flared in her eyes as he stared at her, as if he really didn't know who she was, recognition lacking in his gaze. She didn't understand what it was that made his anger fade so quickly, but somehow, the pain it caused tipped her over the edge, the tears in her eyes overflowing. Through her blurry gaze, she could see Robin shake his head slowly and leave the room, still staring at her as if she were a stranger. She sank to the floor, letting the now-cold coffee turn her white cloak black, letting the cold of the tiles soak into her and freeze her body, letting her own tears fall to the tile as his words echoed in her ears:

_I don't know you...I don't know you..._

_~x~_

Robin let his feet guide him, his eyes unfocused, not caring exactly where he was going as he wandered the tower aimlessly. He didn't know what had made him snap like that, and he knew he had been much too harsh with Raven, but somehow, he couldn't bring himself to regret it beyond the basic not intending to truly hurt her. Everything he had said, he meant. He didn't know who she was anymore, but he wanted Raven back. He wanted _his_ Raven back.

He punched the wall next to him, grunting as his hand went through the plaster and pushed a hole into the wall. He pulled his hand out and shook it, growling as he felt the bruise forming.

"Seriously, dude, I get your whole obsession with training, but c'mon. At least punch something in the training room, since Raven can't fix any of our stuff anymore -"

"DO - NOT - TALK - ABOUT - RAVEN."

Admirably, Beast Boy didn't flinch, almost as if he had been expecting Robin to explode. "Yeah, I figured you'd be feelin' some guilt after blowing up on her back there." At his words, Robin visually recoiled.

"You heard?"

"Well, yeah. I'm pretty sure everyone did, honestly." Robin rubbed at his face, avoiding Beast Boy's gaze. "You..." he tried slowly, "you were pretty harsh, Robin."

He couldn't bring himself to glare at the changeling. "I know. I just...it was all true."

"Maybe." Robin looked up, surprised that he was getting any agreement from him at all. "But that's not the point. There's nothing any of us can do, so there's no point in making it any harder for her."

"I don't want it to be easy for her. I want her to get rid of that thing. I want Raven back. Why doesn't anyone get that?"

"Maybe because we don't really feel like she left?"

"She's changed! She's not Raven anymore, she's someone else!"

"People change."

"No!" Robin punched the wall again, creating a matching hole a few inches from the previous one, this time welcoming the pain it caused as he vented his frustration. "People can change, but she's -" He growled as he couldn't find the word. "She's not Raven! She's acting like someone else!"

"You could just let some time pass, and see if she changes her mind -"

"We don't have time!" Robin's anger was mixed with desperation and horror, now. "Look how fast everything's happened already! This isn't something that she's changing just visually, this alien thing is changing who she is!"

"Robin -"

"It's altering her DNA! How the hell can we stop it, let alone reverse what's already happened?"

"I -"

"I want to be able to look at Raven and know her as the strong, independent woman who didn't let anything hold her back - not some girl who pretended to be someone she wasn't." Beast Boy didn't seem to understand how serious this was, because he kept smirking as he continuously tried to interrupt him, spurring Robin on as he tried desperately to make someone understand.

"Look -"

"And what happens next! Say she ends up looking like the blonde bimbo she seems to want to be - what then?"

"Well, -"

"What happens when the alien runs out of demon DNA to feed off of - we don't understand it now, how are we to know what'll happen next?"

"ROBIN. SHUT THE HELL UP."

Robin glared at him, but finally fell silent.

"Okay, there is a solution present to all of this. Yes," he puffed his chest and nodded solemnly as Robin's eyes widened. "A solution! You need to show Raven that we're her friend no matter what - her background has no effect on this. How," he spoke louder as Robin tried to speak, "does this work, you ask? First, you realize that regular friendship has apparently failed to convince her of this thus far. So, you think that maybe she needs something deeper - perhaps, a relationship, as you know that she feels that she is not good enough for anyone due to her closed-off temperament. But," he spoke loudly again as Robin turned red and prepared to yell again, "you realize that there is in fact no one you believe to be good enough for her, no one capable of showing Raven that she is in fact worth anything!" He grinned as Robin shrunk back, obviously confused as Beast Boy seemed to pinpoint his own feelings. "So, at last, I come to my solution..." he paused for a dramatic effect.

"Accept that you're in love with her, then get her to love you back."

Robin gaped at him, sputtering, and Beast Boy gave a gleeful laugh. He clasped his arms around him in a manly hug and thumped him on the back, still laughing. "I never would've thought, but Robin's all grown up! Ha-ha! Robin's in love with Raven! Go get her, dude!" Flashing him another grin, Beast Boy ran skipping down the hall away from him, still chanting and laughing. Robin, however, didn't really notice. He could only stand shock-still, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Images of her flashed through his mind; violent anger, her eyes full of rage and power; sadness, eyes glistening as she struggled to overcome the hurt; sarcastic, her eyes sparkling mischievously even as her monotone voice sliced the air with her unique wit; and a last, rare image of Raven laughing, smiling, her eyes bright. He could only think about Raven and those violet eyes he loved so much, and suddenly, it all made sense.

* * *

Nine months, you say! Nine months, you have failed to post a chapter! Why, do you ask?

Well, because...

I've got no excuse.

The usual, I supposed. Busy, family, friend issues. I apologize, truly and deeply. I will try to do better in the future.

Not too pleased with this chapter, but I hope you will enjoy anyways.

As always, the Teen Titans do not belong to me. Unfortunately.

Thanks for reading!

-Music


	5. Chapter 5

Beast Boy noticed that Robin didn't really seem to take his advice to heart.

In fact, to the chagrin of the rest of the team, Robin and Raven spent the next three days at each other's throats. Constantly.

He noted that the arguments rarely seemed to have an actual starting point; rather, they seemed to be screaming at each other for no reason.

He tried to focus on their conversation.

"Yes, it is!" No idea what Raven was talking about.

"No, it's not!" Robin wasn't too helpful, either.

"Yes!"

"No!"

"You've got be kidding!"

"It's not my fault you're always _wrong_!"

"I am not wrong! Not now, not _ever_!"

"Just because you have a control complex doesn't mean you aren't wrong!"

"Just because you have a depression complex doesn't mean you're right!"

"You did not just accuse me of being _depressed_!"

Beast Boy didn't really understand how the argument had even turned in this direction.

"Says the one who spends all of her time holed up in a dark, depressing room reading dark, depressing books!"

"What, jealous that I actually know how to read?"

"Oh, are we resorting to kindergarten-standard insults? Is that what you come up with when you don't have a decent comeback?"

"I thought I'd have to use a kindergarten-level insult for your kindergarten-level brain to comprehend it."

"Yes, that's precisely why I'm the leader of this team!"

"And you're doing a damn terrible job at it!"

"You -"

"SHUT UP!" Cyborg thundered.

Their heads snapped towards him, eyes shining with fury. Cyborg, however, seemed unfazed.

Beast Boy decided it was a good opportunity to flee the room.

"You guys have been at it for days! Give it a break! I don't even know what the fuck you guys are arguing about, anymore! You're_ both_ acting like toddlers!"

There was a moment of silence as the pair continued to give him death glares. Cyborg barely refrained from rolling his eyes as he alternated between the harsh lines of the black mask, and the furious blue eyes none of them were yet accustomed to. The city depended on them, but none of them knew about the pair's ridiculous, childish arguments. Luckily. A couple of bickering idiots weren't exactly the best people to trust.

Finally, Raven snapped out of her glare and turned on her heel sharply, her cloak swirling around her. She looked eerily reminiscent of her old self, even with the differing appearance and white cloak. Still furious, she paused at the door to the hallway, turned and gave Robin the finger before stomping out.

"REAL MATURE, RAV -"

The door slid shut, cutting him off. She didn't pause, sweeping down the hallway and into her room, pacing angrily.

_Fucker._

The roaring in her ears almost drowned out the blaring alarm.

Almost.

Shit.

Fuck.

She wasn't ready for this.

Should she stay? Should she go?

_God, fuck, what the hell am -_

She barely held in a yelp as her door slid open again without warning, revealing a still-furious Robin in the doorway.

She was unable to restrain her own remaining anger, and snapped, "Can't you make some noise when you're walking around, at least?"

"I see your insults haven't improved in the past few minutes."

"_Would you just_ -"

"Shut up." He cut her off, irritated. "There's a robbery in the city. Let's go."

"What happened to the old plan, where I just stayed here at the Tower and monitored everything from the computer system?"

"That was never a plan. We're not just going to leave you alone during a battle," he said authoritatively.

"Yeah, we are," Cyborg spoke up. Neither of them had noticed the rest of the team gather behind him.

"What? No!"

"I'm not exactly some child who you can't leave home alone." Raven cut back in.

"Aren't you?" Robin remarked snidely.

"I'm not a child!"

"You certainly act like one."

"Robin -"

"We are a team! She can't just wait around while -"

"So you'd prefer her to come along and sit in the middle of a battle when she can't even defend herself?"

"And what if someone breaks into the tower while we're gone? Look at the Hive - they've gotten in before. They don't show mercy. At least if she's with us, we can actually protect her!" He could barely keep the desperation out of his voice.

"Robin, villains don't give us the chance to protect someone else. Think about it - isn't being in the midst of a fight how she got hurt in the first place?"

"No-"

"We'll all have earpieces. Raven can talk to us throughout the fight."

"I'll be fine, Robin. Stop being paranoid."

"Stop being careless!" He retorted. "We can't-"

"We can, and we will," Cyborg cut him off once more. "She's safer here. And while you're busy arguing about whether Raven is safe in her own home - in my security-proofed Tower - people are getting hurt out there! Get your fat ass moving!"

He met Raven's icy glare even as Cyborg's unflinching metal hand pulled him down the hallway and out the doors.

_Titans, go!_ he thought bitterly.

~x~

"Robin," Beast Boy hissed as they crept towards the small building.

Robin briefly pondered ignoring him. Knowing Beast Boy, though, the changeling would be more likely to resort to a much longer, more annoying bout of pestering until he received an answer.

"What, Beast Boy," he sighed.

"You know, constant arguments are not exactly the best way to get her to love you back." Robin's posture visibly stiffened, aware of the slight buzz of the speaker in his ear and just who exactly was on the other end. Beast Boy hurriedly continued, oblivious. "Just sayin', dude! Just some guy to guy advice from a real ladies man - girls don't normally like being yelled at, or told they're wrong, and all that other stuff if you want them to love you-"

'_Robin_,' came Raven's voice hesitantly through the earpiece. '_What_ -"

Robin slammed open the doors to the store before either could get in another word. He noted, almost thankfully, that the store instantly reverberated with a blasting voice.

"IT IS I, CONTROL FREAK: _YOUR WORST NEMESIS_!"

'_Fabulous_,' came the sarcastic voice.

"Aw, come on!" Beast Boy moaned, waving his hands wildly at the remote-wielding, self-proclaimed freak posing on top of the shelves. "Didn't we just throw you back in jail last week? Give Robin a break, he's got some serious girl issues that need attending to!" Robin growled at him, fingers itching to grab him. "Fine! Even better, give_ me_ a break! I just want a vacation!"

"'Cause that went so well last time," Robin snapped.

Beast Boy flushed. "Well, if we went somewhere other than Japan..."

They were interrupted by an annoying, gleeful laugh. "Robin! Girl issues, really? What girl would actually associate with you?"

Beast Boy snickered. "Dude, I felt the same way!" Cyborg elbowed him harshly. "Wait, stop it! We're supposed to be fighting you!"

'_You think?_'

Control Freak continued as if Beast Boy hadn't spoken. "Or, what girl would the uptight Robin actually care to associate with? It has to be someone from the Titans then, yes? I would guess Raven, seeing as she isn't here." He began to prance across the tops of the cases, grinning snidely. "What's the matter, she didn't want to get too close to you? Or is she injured? A lot of us down in jail noticed that nobody's seen her since that little alien debacle last month -"

There was a loud thump, and suddenly the self-important criminal lay unconscious on the ground, his forgotten remote smashed beside him.

Beast Boy gaped where the heavyset, greasy-haired figure lay in a pile at his feet.

"Come on." All heads snapped to the masked teen, already straddling his bike. "Let's get back."

There were a few moments of silence before Raven's voice filtered through the speaker once more.

'_Well, that was fast._'

~x~

"What the hell, Robin?" Beast Boy screamed out the window of the T-car, his high voice sounding like some deranged fan that plagued the team every so often. "How did you even take him out that fast? Just like, POW! He's just _out_ - "

Robin maintained his silence.

"It was quite impressive, Robin!"

_'Guys -'_

"- didn't even last a minute! Just like, pchaw chaw! Pyowww, hiiiiya! Victory!" Beast Boy simulated ninja moves in the backseat, Starfire narrowly avoiding him. "Did you even see how hard you kicked him? You just flew up, _like a ninja_ - "

"You sound like you want to marry him, BB."

"Shut up! I mean, you gotta admit that was awesome!"

"Uhhuh."

"I don't think we've ever ended a fight that fast! Robin was just like, no way am I going to take any more of this shit, and then went all ninja-warrior status - "

"What is this 'ninja warrior?"

" - _complete domination_ -"

'_KRSHHHHH_.'

They all stiffened.

"Raven?" Starfire whispered.

Silence.

"Do you think the connection just broke, or -"

A series of loud bangs cut them off, as if a gun was being fired.

They were drowned out by explosions. More gunshots.

Raven's yelling, indecipherable words.

'_No!_'

Explosion.

Gunshot.

A scream.

A crash.

Silence.

~x~

Robin normally enjoyed silence. Silence was a place where he could think. Silence was where he could create his new inventions, consider his theories about Slade and whatnot villain, and so forth. Where he could work. Function.

Now, silence was wrong.

Silence was the enemy.

The living room was filled with debris, but he strode to her room instead, knowing it was the first place she would have hid.

He pushed his way inside, stopped. Blinked.

Her room was completely untouched. Her few belongings immaculate, bed smooth - everything tucked away.

The movement of the curtain caught his eye.

He slid out the window quickly, his toes balanced on a thin ledge. He pressed himself against the glass walls, slowly sliding sideways and barely grasping another thin ledge with his fingertips.

He was living some sort of detective movie, and he would've laughed if Raven wasn't the one missing.

He finally toed the corner of the next window, crawling into it easily as it had been smashed open. His own room. His desk had been knocked over, and he could see she'd found the secret compartment underneath it. _How the hell... _He rummaged quickly, and could see she'd stolen a few weapons he'd been working on. _Who exactly had she needed to defend herself from?_ His fists twitched at his sides as he left the open door, continuing into the hallway.

His mind portrayed her fleeing down the hallway quietly, in the opposite direction of her own room. He figured that she'd heard them approaching her room and escaped through the window, in the hope of fleeing through Robin's room, where no one would look for her.

He turned the corner. This is where her plan failed and she'd been discovered, if the debris was any clue. He fingered the edges of the singed holes in the wall, where she'd obviously fired one of his experiment guns at her pursuer. The holes were all close to each other, where she'd paused to aim.

He had no idea exactly what the invader had used to blow chunks out of the walls and ceiling, however. Something new, and incredibly dangerous.

The destruction led to the living room. He passed his teammates, huddled over the computer as they looked for who-knows-what. Security footage, maybe. Clues.

He shivered, his eyes tracing the wreckage that sliced through every memory he had of her in this room. The remains of the kitchen made his hands twitch at his sides, remembering her huddled on the tiles, how he'd abandoned, hurt her that day.

The singed holes circled the room, scattered in loose patches. He trailed the path across the room, into the next hallway.

_How did they know just when to come? Control Freak mentioned something...but no one would know the details, or just when everyone would be gone but her..._

There was absolutely no semblance of order to the holes now; they littered the walls everywhere. His chest ached, seeing her run wildly, shooting randomly throughout the room, her pursuer closing in. He himself unconsciously began to run through the hallway, heart pumping, sliding around a corner -

Literally sliding along the ground as his foot slipped, unable to catch himself before he fell.

_What-_

And suddenly, a strange, foreign moan slipped from his lips.

The thick fluid was spread across the floor, lining a path out the shattered window. He could feel it soak into his gloves, his hands, staining his vision a matching red, burning him. Her blood.

~x~

"- your fault!"

"Robin, man, please don't chant like we're little kids."

"Your fault she's gone!"

"Robin -"

"_Your fault!_"

"Please, Robin. Cyborg didn't actually kidnap Raven!"

"We never should have left her alone!"

"We never could have prepared."

"I did, I warned you all -"

"Robin, please!"

"Now she's gone, and there's blood, she could be anywhere -"

"She's not dead, Robin."

"DON'T SAY THAT."

"I'm saying she's _not_ dead!"

"I don't care. Don't say that."

"She's out there, Robin. We'll find her."

"I'll find her."

"Rob-"

"_I_ will find her. You guys are the ones who fucked her over in the first place."

"Robin, the tower was safer. You looked over the security system - whoever got in knew exactly how to get past everything; there's no way we could have prepared for that. And look at the damage their weapons did! We may not have been able to protect her even if we had been here."

"I would have."

"Rob-"

"_I would have._"

"Robin, please. Stop blaming us. We're trying to get Raven back, too."

"You're not trying hard enough."

"It hasn't even been an hour, the computer's analyzing -"

"_That's not enough!_"

"We're doing what we can!"

"Find more clues. I'm going to look around again."

"We've already -"

"As I said, it obviously wasn't enough. You haven't found anything."

"Robin -"

The door shut.

His feet tread silently, retracing the path he'd already paced so many times. His eyes were wide, stretching the contours of his mask as he searched for something, _anything_. Shifting through the clutter revealed nothing they didn't already know. Testing the blood had revealed nothing besides the fact that it was _her_ blood - nothing they didn't know. The fabric caught on the shards of the window was _her_ cloak - _nothing they didn't know. Nothing_ that told who had taken her. Why. How. Nothing.

He kicked out the last shards from the window, barely noticing the loud sounds as the glass pieces cracked and fell to the island, shattering on the rocks below. He sat on the edge, staring out into the water below as if it would reveal her.

The sunset streaked colors across the sky, the lights of the city flickering on as the sky darkened. All Robin could see was the purple and red reflection of the water below. All he could see were her accusing violet eyes, and her crimson blood, staining his eyes. Burning.

* * *

Well, it's good to be back. I truly apologize for the delay; I've had this chapter sitting around for awhile, but was never fully pleased with it. Made a few tweaks, and that's the best I could do. Hope you all will enjoy it anyways!

It's been a long year, and I cannot wait for summer. Only a few short weeks away!

Thanks again for all of your lovely reviews! I can't explain how much they mean to me, so please keep them coming!

~ Music


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